its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
