chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am available for nakedness
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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