i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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