Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize