thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
