I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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