I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was born a porn star she said
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
