we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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