I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A+ Viking dick
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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