Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
