he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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