You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
