Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
