I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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