I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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