He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
