My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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