i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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