I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
