I'm jealous of your bromance
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will be naked everywhere
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
