I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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