So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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