Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
