Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
