May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize