I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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