i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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