You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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