I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
