Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
