Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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