I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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