Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
