so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
