Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
