So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize