Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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