Your tits are I can't wait for
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Found your dick twin last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
