She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
