Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pappa wants mamma naked
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
