I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
