I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
