Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
