Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I could make wine with my vomit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
