how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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