This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
