with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
