you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
