i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
