Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
