i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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