your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
