The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
