i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
zippers are such a cool invention
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
