Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
