Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
