she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
we should paint friendship bongs
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