Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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