On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
