at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
