Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I could make wine with my vomit
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
