It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
