I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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