i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
