Duck Duck Cougar?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
