How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
