This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
