first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
