just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
