im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
