Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
