I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
