This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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